My alltime dumbest customer
principalquattrano posted in Niteflirt on April 7th, 2006
First I think I should define my criteria for “dumbest” customer. There are those customers that are everyday, garden variety dumb, and then there are those rare, special few who have what it takes to be extreme targets of our derision.
Personally, I don’t think being oversexed - overusers of phone sex services from me or from any other girl - comes close to putting a guy into this category. Just because I was the 5th girl that guy called on Sunday doesn’t promote him into that range, in my opinion.
Nor do I think that having an unusual fetish is enough to propel him to the top of my list. After all, there are fetishes, and then there are fetishes, so many fetishes. It takes a certain special something for a guy with a fetish to really set himself apart from the crowd of wankers.
And perverts are, unfortunately a dime a dozen. So just being a zoo or a pedo isn’t going to put him on my list. In fact, being a child molestor or animal abuser (or wannabe) is probably going to bounce him onto a different list entirely. That’s not humorous or even pathetic, it’s actionable.
Then of course, there is also the guy who is telling me some fantasy of his, that he thinks he has worked into a real-life realism, and he expects me to believe that what he’s telling me is actually happening. In my mind, this is just a guy who is a bad liar with an overactive imagination. He doesn’t make the cut.
So the guy who is going to be on my list has got to have a lot of things going against him. He must have some really weird, maybe even uncategorizable fantasy. He has got to be living it out or at least trying to, regardless of how ridiculous this would be. And then, he must be totally unaware of how anybody would take this, whether a reasonable person or an exceptionally broad-minded phone sex worker like myself.
So finally, my nominee:
This guy first called me looking for some friendly advice from a dominant woman. Now mind you, he was calling my Friends listing, so he really couldn’t be sure that I’m dominant, as there is no indication in the text or picture. But he was just looking for advice, so no matter…
The first issue was that he had been having trouble finding a marriageable woman - or at least one who would have him, I presume. I understand that many of the customers are not calling us because phone sex enhances their realtime sex lives, and I try not to pass judgement. OK, sure. But he had developed a series of solutions to his problem that got him in deeper and deeper…
He decided that what he needed was to go the mail-order bride route. He figured that he should be able to find a nice girl in Columbia, a country he had visited often.
As I do on my Friends listing, I attempted to give him some good advice about the pitfalls of mail-order spouses - that their English may be poor, they may have ulterior motives for wanting to come to this country, that you still have to find the right person in order for a relationship to work, and ways in which it can go bad.
At first it seemed like he had a reasonably good grasp of these issues, until we looked at the reason he was having trouble finding a marriageable woman her. It had to do, in fact, with the size of his weenus, which fell squarely in the micropenis range.
So his plan at that time was to find a nice submissive girl who would accept him, teenie wienie peenie and all. OK, maybe that’ll work. Or maybe it would have worked, except for the rest of the plan, and for real life intruding on it.
So next, his plan was to bring this nice girl - a submissive girl who probably has limited English - to this country, and expose her to American life, and to a series of dominant women. Again, that is “expose” only. His expectation was that in the presence of dominant women, she would herself become dominant, and she would begin humiliating him for his pathetic little weewee.
By this time we’ve talked for several hours over about a week’s time, between this topic and his hair fetish. Now it’s becoming clear that he’s starting to picture me as the woman who could become his personal domme, as though I’d ever be willing to do such a thing. But now, the kicker - his next to the last call, he told me he had to hang up, couldn’t talk too long, because he was expecting a call from a potential employer. That’s right, the guy was unemployed while making all these plans and calling me.
So I figure I did all Columbian women a favor by spending down this guy to the point where he can no longer afford to call me for phonesex, which certainly means he can’t afford to import a bride for his plan. Case closed.
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